We all want to think we are living life to fullest, or we hope we know how to live life in such a way, but what does it really take to apply a these three words to our everyday situations? Let’s break it down, one by one.

Live

This one is the hardest of the three. What does it mean to really live?  How can one live when they have obligations such as a job and children? Is there room left for life when every other moment is full? I’ve asked myself these questions time and again. There are days when life is grand and other days when I feel like I’ve been living a routine for so long I don’t know how to live anymore.

Life doesn’t have to be like that. The one thing I’ve found that keeps me going is to seize the moments in life that make everything else worth it. Yes, my toddlers may have spilled a two gallon jug of water on my kitchen floor this morning, but I also remember how yesterday that came and hugged me and told me they loved me.

There are days when housework and community responsibilities seem to overtake my time. Which makes it that much harder to really enjoy the moments. But I have to remember that I am living my dreams. I am actually chasing goals in my life that are worth pursuing. Life is beautiful when you are shooting for something that you really love.

Laugh

For me laughter is essential to life. It’s funny how you grow up and realize one day that you never laugh like you used to. I heard a statistic once (and this is totally by word of mouth, I have not verified it)  that said  children laugh one-hundred plus times a day while adults may not even laugh in a day. Even though I haven’t verified this, observation has told me that children laugh a lot more than I do. How can I increase the laughter in my life? Strangely enough it takes practice to be able to laugh at life. We have to start putting away our serious attitudes and smile more. Smile until you’re happy enough to laugh. It works for me.

Love

Here’s the thing about love, it comes in so many forms. This is not just about meeting the right person and sharing your life with them. This is about surrounding yourself with family and friends who will lift you up and help you know what it is to love and to be loved. Without love for those around us, life can become a dark and confusing place. We need other people in our lives to find happiness. We need to find strong characters in our lives to make good choices. Love is the turning point between depression and life well lived.

Take a moment and think about all the good things in your life. Be grateful for them and then share them with others. That way we can live, laugh, and love to fullest.

“Mom! Joe (*name changed) said I couldn’t build the Legos because I’m a girl.”

“Then find something else to do.”

“But he’s being mean. He should be punished.”

“If you ignore him, he’ll stop.”

“I am so mad!”

“You choose your emotions.”

I always hated when my mom said that. Joe wouldn’t let me play with the Legos therefore it was Joe’s fault that I was mad. Often, to prove a point, I would mope around the rest of the day and be nothing but mad. Looking back, I see what my mother was saying. I would ruin the day for myself because I would choose to be mad at my brother. I would drag that anger out when I probably would have been content to play with my Barbies.

It’s not just something my mother said either. It has been proven scientifically. There was a documentary released in 2001 titled “The Human Face” In it they showed something called ‘A laugh club’ It was a group of people who would gather every morning to practice smiling and laughing. Sounds Crazy right?

It really wasn’t. Here’s the thing about a smile. It’s contagious. Go ahead, smile at someone around you and see if they don’t smile back. Chances are, they will. The scientific part of this? It’s been proven that smiling, even if you’re not happy, will improve your mood.  Moving the muscles in your face to that upward smiling position triggers hormones that make you happy. Don’t believe me? Try smiling for a minute straight. Do you feel different? Because you should.

There is a myth out there that emotions can’t be controlled. That if you’re mad or sad or upset about something, it can’t be helped. Think about a reason you were mad recently. I bet it had something to with how another person treated you. Yes, the first reaction was anger, but then you had a choice. Hold on to that anger and hold it over the persons head, or decide if your anger was really worth it.

As you think about this, ponder this question ‘am I achieving what I wanted by being mad at that person?’ Or in other words ‘am I really hurting the other person by staying mad, or am I just hurting myself?’ Chances are the other person doesn’t even know you’re still mad. They’ve moved on with life, and that anger you’re holding on to is doing nothing but hurting you.

Emotions change our view of the world. Optimism or pessimism come by choice. We choose to look at the positive or negative in things. We choose to live our lives happy or sad or angry. It’s all about our choices. Good choices can lead to a more fulfilling life.

A few months later the children were tested again, but this time they were given a choice. Take an easy test or take a hard test. The majority of the children who were told they are ‘smart’ choose the easy test. The children who were told ‘you worked hard’ choose the harder test.

Another few months went by and every child was given a hard test. The children who were told they are ‘smart’ did not do well. The children who were told ‘you worked hard’ did very well, and some even said it was their favorite test of all.

At last the children were given the same test they took the first time around. Many of the children who were labeled ‘smart’ did worse on the same test the second time around.

So what does this all mean? My conclusion, it’s not about brain power. It’s about how hard you work for what you want out of life. The kids who were told ‘you worked hard’ had the inclination to work harder. The kids were labeled as ‘smart’  gave up the first time they didn’t live up to the label.

Finding your dreams isn’t about what talents or natural skills you do or do not have. It is about how hard you work to improve your skills.

Think about what your dream is in life. Maybe you want to retire early, or become an artist, or own a business, or just create something that makes you happy. The fact of the matter is, not a single one of the goals can be achieved without hard work.

Let’s take the ‘retire early’ example and run. How many of us want to retire early? I’m sure everyone is raising their hands right now. How many of us have looked at the logistics it would take to get there? Now how many of us are willing to put in the hard work it will take to actually achieve that? Guessing by the amount of people I know who have retired early (which is none) I can’t imagine many people who are willing to work for that.

But, but, but…. I hear you saying. I know, but I don’t have the skills to ever make enough money to retire early. Maybe it’s not about making money, but about saving money. It may require the sacrifice of living in a dump and eating beans and rice and driving a car that you can pay cash for. How much money can you free up to invest in your future and how much would it change your life?

If you really want something, you need to work for it. There is no easy road or opportunity in life. Very few people win the lottery and those who do often spend themselves right back into debt. Work hard, never give up, and believe in yourself. Soon you’ll find all of your dreams will come true.

With that being said, healthy relationships can have the opposite effect. Where there are true friendships and relationships, happiness and mental well being bloom. We all feel the need to have people in our lives, but it’s important to pick the right kind of people. Here are few tips for creating positive relationships.

Where One Takes, They Should Also Give

Healthy relationships should be about balance. Never should one person be sacrificing all of their time or resources to the other person. Both parties should be giving and taking and trying to make up for whatever was taken. If this balance doesn’t exist in your relationship then you should get out of it as fast as you can. Being taken advantage of is never worth the friendship or relationship. Those who give and take equally in a relationship will find the unconditional love needed for happiness in life.

Cling to the Positive

The best part about relationships is having someone you can laugh with. It doesn’t hurt to have a shoulder to cry on either. But the one thing that shouldn’t be in a relationship is negativity. If one person in the relationship is always talking about how annoying so-and -so is, or what they hate about every person they cross in the street, you can be certain they are saying the same things about you when you aren’t listening. Surround yourself with people who care about other people. You’ll know you’ve found a good friend when they don’t gossip about other people and they are always working to put a smile on your face. Positivity can be the glue that keep friendships and relationships together for years to come.

Make Sure the Other Person Understands You

I had a friend in high school that I thought would always be there for me. We had different interest and personalities but it felt like our friendship was strong enough to overcome our differences. It wasn’t. I believe there can be friendship that transcend the boundaries of having things in common, but this friend wasn’t willing to accept that I had chosen a different path than her in life. I got married young, she’s still single. Her focus is on music theater and I focus on being a mom and writer. I tried for several years to keep our friendship together but she wanted nothing to do with me. She didn’t understand that my choice to marry young and start a family wasn’t a slight to her choice to purse a theater career, but she took it that way. True friendship doesn’t care about things like who you choose to marry or what you want out of life. True friendship understand that two different people can support each other no matter their choices.

Whatever relationships you have in your life should be positive and supportive. Don’t let one side in the relationship drag you down. True happiness comes from surrounding yourself with people you can depend on. Never forget to not only find good friends, but to be a good friend.

Let’s illustrate with a commonly known fairy tale, Cinderella. How many times have I heard the phrase “If only I had a Fairy Godmother.” The funny thing about it is that the Fairy Godmother wasn’t the one  who solved all of Cinderella’s problems. The only thing the Fairy Godmother did was make sure Cinderella got to go to the ball. It didn’t even last past midnight. Cinderella had to do most of the work herself.  I’m not even sure the Fairy Godmother would have shown up if Cinderella hadn’t tried her hardest before her step-mom took it all away from her.

The fact is, Cinderella was only given a dress and a carriage. She had to charm the prince, she had to live by the rule of midnight, and she had to prove herself by keeping the other glass slipper. If she hadn’t done any work she never would have gotten her happily ever after.

Life is hard. We are going to be faced with obstacles no matter what path we take. It would be easy to give up on our happy endings because the work is too much. But really, there is no happy ending without work involved.

Perfection in life is an unrealistic goal, but happiness isn’t. Even if it is just for a moment. I find I am happiest in my life when I work hard for a what I want. If everything was handed to me, would I really appreciate it? If Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother how showed up when Cinderella’s father was still alive, would she care? Probably not. The fact that she had been through so many trials is what made the Fairy Godmother worth it. The story wouldn’t make sense if Cinderella had been living a life of luxury beforehand.

Think of how much sweeter that happy ending was because we knew what Cinderella had been through to get there. Just getting the prince wasn’t enough, the fact that all of the odds were against her was what made the moment so special.

The next time you are grumbling about the world being against you, take a moment to think about how much stronger you will come out in the end. Reflect on those times when things have been bad in your life and remember the lessons you learned from them.

Happy endings are possible. It takes hard work and a good attitude to get there. If we grumble through the trials we’ll miss the lessons we should learn along the way. Your happy ending will be sweeter if you remember the journey it took for you to reach the end.

When you feel like someone is your friend it’s hard to see past all of the ways that they use and hurt you. Here’s the truth — real friends don’t make you compromise your values. Real friends don’t drop you when you stand up for something. Real friends don’t base their friendships on what you can do for them. Real friends stay your friend unconditionally.

If you have a friend that has done any of the above you need them out of your life. I know it’s hard.  Friendship is an important part of our lives. You may not feel like you have any other friends. That’s okay. It’s better to go without friends for a little while than to have a friend who does nothing but use you.

Here are a few tips for breaking off that damaging relationship.

Learn to Say ‘No’

This is the hardest part of breaking off a damaging relationship. You’ve bent to your friends will for so long you’re not sure you can stand up to them. But it’s time they know. You won’t put up with their controlling behavior any longer. When they ask you for a favor, you need to say no. You need to tell them that you are not just their slave but a real person with real feelings. It will be hard. They will be rude to you. You may even shed a few tears, but it will be the right thing to do and worth the price of losing that friend. It’s time to stop cowering in the corner and time to start being your own person with your own set of beliefs. Say no and see if it doesn’t change your life.

Find a Hobby

Wait a second. Back up the train. We were talking about breaking off bad relationships not looking for something else to add to our lives. I know, but the best way to break off old friendships is to find new friends. My hobby is writing. Not only do I enjoy making up intricate stories, but I have gain a lot of good friendships from it.

Think writing is a lonely occupation? Think again. I have a local writing group that meets once a month. There’s also a local critique group that meets once a month.  There is a writers conference for every day of the year if you want to or can afford to go. There’s an infinite amount of writers on twitter you can chat with. Not to mention other handy websites like Writing.com and Agent Query Connect.

The point is, friends can be found anywhere. Find something you’re interested in, start doing it and it won’t be long until you find friends with the same interest.

No matter what you decide to do, don’t put up with people who use you any longer. Take a breath, think it through and be strong enough to be your own person. Just think of how proud you will be in a few years when you end up more successful in life than them. It’s worth the price, don’t wait any longer.

My favorite way to get a quick laugh is to pop over to my favorite websites. If you are in the need of some good laughter, or you just have some time to kill, check out theses sites.

• Awkwardfamilyphotos.com. Awkward Family Photos or AFP is the place where your awkward childhood photos go to live. You know those embarrassing poses your mom used to make you stand in for photos? Or your awful permed hair and matching leotards? All of those and more can be found at AFP. The site is user generated and posts one painfully (and hilariously) awkward photo about once a day.
• Failblog.org. Fail blog is a place to showcase the “fails” in the world, or in other words, the things that go hilariously wrong. You will find videos of stupid stunts, hilarious mistranslated signs and unintentional goofs. Hint: click the button at the top for a clean version of the fails. The will sensor language and suggestive content.
• Someecards.com. This hilarious site has content that is popping up all over the social networking sites (Facebook, Pinterest, etc). The site is brilliant as it brought back a pretty dated trend: sending e-cards or cards over the internet. This was a big trend when email first became popular and this site has brought it back with a twist. Instead of your traditional ‘happy birthday’ or ‘thank you,’ the cards feature pop culture topics of the week with a hilarious and sarcastic wit. If you love it enough, send it for free to a friend who I am sure you could use a laugh.
• Sh*tmykidsruined.blogspot.com. This blog is where parents can submit photos of stuff that their children have ruined. For those who have kids, it is a way to laugh about what other crazy kids are doing and knowing that you are not alone. For those who do not have kids, it becomes the most hilarious birth control around.
• The Onion. The face of The Onion looks like your typical news site, churning out relevant news stories. And The Onion has become a very popular news source. Only trick is that The Onion is a satirical site that publishes true stories mingled with parodied news articles. Those with a good sense of humor and a quick eye can quickly determine which stories are false, and will get a good laugh out of it. Have a hard time getting the concept? Think Stephen Colbert on Comedy Central.
• Hulu. The easiest ways to get a good laugh is to watch a comedy. Hulu.com has scores of popular comedies from Modern Family to Saturday Night Live. Do a search and start laughing.